Football Daily | The England squad camp report regression is almost upon us
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There are few phrases guaranteed to send shivers down the spine of even the most grizzled football veteran. But “From the England camp” is among them, generations of children traumatised into adulthood by the residual boredom of tournament reports advising us that Gary Stevens and Gary Stevens have the same name, to say nothing of Trevor Steven; that Dave Beasant has played snooker with Neil Webb; that the manager is “keeping his cards close to his chest”. For some, the simple utterance of “Gelsenkirchen” or “Baden-Baden” bring with them an ayahuascan aspect, and with Friday’s squad-naming deadline swiftly followed by Monday’s flight to Germany, the moment of regression is almost upon us. Before we even know it, Gabriel Clarke and co will be intoning whichever overwhelming seriousness and hilarious ephemera has “captured the public imagination” – an expression that does not, for the avoidance of doubt, describe the imprisonment in the Tower of groupthink nationalism, with grizzly torture thrown in to make sure.
My wife is a headteacher in Toronto. She recently observed a group of seven- and eight-year-olds playing football. When a goal was scored, the game stopped, an intense discussion took place, one player went over to a noticeboard, stared intently at it while occasionally moving his hands about, then went back to the group. He said something, some cheered and the game went on. When recess ended, she asked him what he’d been doing at the board and he replied: ‘Checking the goal with the VAR.’ Apparently, he’s the designated VAR and if a goal is disputed, he goes over to the ‘TV monitor’, reviews the run-up to the goal in his head and makes the call. I guess it’s all they’ve ever known” – Andrew Moore.
Rishi Sunak seems to have adopted the phrase ‘bold decision’. He might like to check out the last person who relied on that as his go-to soundbite” – Kevin Worley.
I was very disappointed to see that the story about Emilio Nsue (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition) did not have a tagline of ‘Chaos Nsued’. I hope this gets corrected if he is successful with an appeal against the ruling” – Matt Warner.
If the Mourinho boom-bust doom-loop at Fenerbahce now really is compressed (Football Daily passim), does that mean he’ll announce his arrival at arch-rivals Besiktas later this week? And his inevitable appointment at Galatasaray on Monday morning? Special One, indeed” – Mike Wilner.
There can only be one multi-function football manager action doll (Football Daily letters passim) and that is surely Arsène Wenger (1996-2018). From the glasses-wearing professor mode, through the elegant suit-wearing version to the red mist Mourinho/Jol fighting incarnation, paying a visit to the arms outstretched, ‘where do you expect me to go?’ when sent off at Old Trafford mode, appearing to come to rest with the slightly befuddled ‘where has it all gone wrong?’ look before settling on the ultimate look – the ‘how does the damned zip on this oversized coat work?’ bemusement familiar to many an adult grandchild watching their grandfather get ready for a trip out” – Charlie Ashmore.
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